A Recent Read

Shame, according to C.S. Lewis, is like a warm liquid too hot to touch, but not to drink. "If you will accept it - if you will drink the cup to the bottom - you will find it very nourishing: but try to do anything else with it and it scalds." Our guilt or true shame can change us, nourish us, bring us healing if we accept it as honestly and as fully as we can. God created it to initiate healing and restoration. Try and dismiss it, minimize it, act like it never happened and you only get burned. Out of the Shadows, by Patrick Carnes, emphasized this reality all the more in the life of those impacted by sexual addiction.

From the addicts ritual of "acting out" to the belief system that drives addiction to the impact on the entire family, Dr. Carnes exposes with every page turn the pervasive destructive impact of sexual addiction. He also dismantles the false belief that secret sexual struggles, like a little pornography use, do not hurt anyone. In reality, no level of addiction is victimless. All addiction impacts how we relate with others and develops a pattern of manipulation, deception, and abuse. Add to this the fact that it keeps the addict from real relationships, those that could meet his or her real needs. And as Dr. Carnes says, "it can destroy a persons life in less than two years." In some example stories, suicide or murder did take the addicts life.

I was sobered up by reading this book. I got that sick gut feeling that comes when hearing about an atrocious evil, like the deliberate destruction of 911 or the horrors of the Holocaust. This is sinister stuff, my friends, a weapon of the Kingdom of Darkness.

What is the hope? That sexual addiction, if faced with courage and brutal honesty, can be defeated. A person can change. God does forgive and heal. God is slow to anger and lavish in his love. Remember, Jesus always met the sexually broken with immense mercy. The Cross of Christ dethroned the forces of evil and the resurrection brings the promise of new life. A person can heal from the pain that the addiction numbed. Love and trust in relationships can be found.

Don't go take a cold shower. Read this book instead.

Tall Oak Counseling Center

Come later this summer, I will be joining Tall Oak Counseling Center.

I am very excited about this new venture! The counselors at Tall Oak are exceptional and they strive to do counseling in community, treating the whole family system and not one person. They also walk with God very closely as they guide people in the whole counseling/healing process. This way of doing counseling so much resonates with my heart. Being a lone range counselor has never been my dream. So I am very grateful to God that He opened up this opportunity for me to join these kindred hearts.

And, as you know from my website, trees are close to my heart. My love for trees was born out of my boyhood adventures climbing high up in their branches. God uses that image still, of being nestled in big wooden 'limbs', to remind me what it feels like to trust the strong arms of a Father.

Tall Oak is located behind Woodmen Valley Chapel, a short drive from I-25 on Woodmen. All current clients will be able to make the move with me. I'll let you know well in advance when the move will take place. My website will continue to be used for my practice even after the move, too. So stay tuned!

Mothers and Sons

Last week, I got to teach on Mothers and Sons to a group of college age men attending the summer session of Training Ground (see my links). It was a great experience! These are some amazing guys. And we had a deep, intense but incredible time together.

Its becoming more well accepted that a father plays a huge role in a sons life, in his masculine journey, his becoming a man. But what about mom? What part does she play if any? That was the question we discussed. What does a man's journey look like with his mother? And how does that change as he gets older, moves out, gets married?

With the use of children's stories, movie clips, and the stuff of these guys stories, we talked through when we need our mothers immensely close, in infancy, and how we leave mom gradually throughout boyhood to explore the world beyond. We talked about the initiation years, how a man leaves his mom forever as a boy and returns to her to be respected as a man. And of, course we talked through how this all can go wrong... a father not coming to initation, a mother not letting go, or never nurturing in the first place, what a son does with his anger.

These guys were brave to shed tears, share honestly from their stories, and take another step in becoming all that their Father wants them to be as men. A beautiful time...

Welcome!

Hey Folks! Welcome to my News and Reflections blog.

This will be a place to hear what's happening in my counseling practice and some reflections on the journey. I hope to update it bi-weekly or more. So come back when you can.